Mellow Dimension

This morning my dad was talking to Kay (a distant relative at whose house we stayed) when I came out of the bathroom. I paused near the kitchen door and heard him saying things about me, and how I’ve been considering majoring in game design. He was talking to her about how it was a competitive field and implied I wasn’t a competitive person, and how it was an artistic field, so I wouldn’t get a job; in general he was saying pretty rude things about my ideas for myself, and how I’d never manage to be successful if I went to school for game design.

I frowned and quietly left. I didn’t want to hear it again. It made me angry that he was talking like that behind my back. I knew he wouldn’t have given my side of the story. My dad has the tendency to rattle on and on about what he considers the negative aspects of other people’s doings, without regard for how the people in question might be thinking, or the fact that they might have different needs, desires, and strengths from his own.

I wish he’d support me in my decisions. Supporting me in his decisions isn’t supporting me. I think he believes he’s being supportive by telling me my goals aren’t worthwhile and that I don’t have it in me to achieve them, and believes that providing alternatives that *he* likes and ‘would do if he were my age’ is real support. It’s ridiculous.

In any case, I’ve been kind of hurt by the things he’s been saying. I didn’t talk much about my goals to Kay. But I think she saw me pause and walk away with my head down that one time, because when I hugged her to leave, she told me, away from the ears of my family, ‘I wish you the best in all your goals and dreams.’

That felt really special. That was nice to hear.

  1. vickyinsanity said: I understand the feeling. Everytime it comes up my dad gets on to me about something. I’m majoring in cultural and linguistic anthropology, and he uses every tiny mistake i’ve ever done to explain why i would never be able to take care of myself.
  2. kyronea said: Your dad is a complete and utter asshole. Good that Kay’s got your back though. More people ought to. You deserve as much support as you can get and then some.
  3. thaddeusscreams said: Your dad doesn’t sound very sensitive. I’m sorry.
  4. mellowdusk posted this